('This posting has been deleted by craigslist staff.' - it's THAT good!)
('This posting has been deleted by craigslist staff.' - it's THAT good!)
UIC Office of Womens' Affairs
This list of 28 questions, targeting young and inexperienced women at the University of Illinois, at Chicago, finishes up with the advice:
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you could be in an abusive relationship, or a relationship that could become abusive. Remember, we don't believe you deserve to be abused, no matter what. Together we CAN find a way...
OK, let's translate this into numbers. Everyone likes numbers, right? Here's how I this this statement should be written:
Assign a '0' to each of the 28 questions above for which the answer is 'no'. Assign a '1' to each of the 28 questions above for which the answer is 'yes'.
If you assigned the value '1' to any of the 28 questions above, you could (or could not) be in an abusive relationship.
If any of the questions you answered '0' to could turn to '1', under any circumstances, at any time ... you could (or could not) be in a relationship that could (or could not) become abusive.
Now that we've gotten all linear and mathematical, we can see that there is a real lack of a threshhold in this quiz. There's no statement asserting that if one's score is 10 or above that one might be encountering some form of domestic violence, or even a guarantee that a score of 28 out of 28 provides any sort of certainty that one is experiencing domestic violence. It's nothing more than a political recruiting ad, disguised as public health.
The vagueness of some of the questions (noted below) is really disturbing!
For instance,
Are you afraid to break up with your partner?
... doesn't seem to have anything to do with domestic violence, and has more to do with whether your relationship is healthy or not.
My wife feels that anyone who answered 'no' to the above question, obviously doesn't have a meaningful relationship with their partner, and that anyone with a serious relationship with another person, full of years of meaning, would - of course! - be afraid that they would lose the relationship - a result of years of hard work ... not something to be casually gambled away on an abstract and unproven point of (carefully disguised) feminist philosophy.
So, as phrased, this is a guaranteed '1'.
Most of the questions are perceptual, and have almost no relation to domestic violence; whatever association is left is eliminated by the fact that the women who are the being invited to answer these questions are hardly neutral third parties, and by the questions' repeated lack of specificity in critical areas - the question is not, are you afraid - it is, are you afraid of physical assault? - and nowhere does this simple, critical question get asked.
It's almost as if the authors, themselves, don't know what part of 'no' they don't understand!
(A big tip of the hat to my lovely and brilliant wife for finding this article, in her quest to educate herself on these fascinating American phenomena - domestic violence accusations, kangaroo courts, thought crimes, codependency, and the industry that feeds off these poor, pathetic women in their moment of weakness ... and forever after ... like leeches, but worse.)
Here's the quiz!
Domestic Violence Relationship Quiz
Do you feel nervous or fearful in your relationship?
Are you afraid of your partner's temper?
Do you have to be careful to control your behavior to avoid his/her anger? Do you feel like you are always walking on eggshells?
Are you afraid to say No to sex?
Do you feel powerless in your relationship?
Are you scared of disagreeing with him/her?
Are you afraid to break up with your partner?
Does s/he criticize you, or humiliate you in front of other people?
Does s/he check up on you or question you about what you do without him/her?
Does s/he act controlling?
Does s/he repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing other guys/women?
Does s/he tell you that if you changed s/he wouldn't abuse you?
Does s/he act jealous of the time you spend with other people?
Does s/he make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate?
Does s/he call you names?
Does s/he ignore your feelings?
Has s/he ridiculed your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, class or sexual preference?
Has s/he ever scared you with violence or threatening behavior?
Does s/he tell you what to wear, or how to do your hair?
Does s/he prevent you from going out or doing things you want to do?
Do you feel that, with him/her, nothing you do is ever good enough?
Does s/he say that s/he will kill or hurt themselves if you break up with him/her?
Does s/he make excuses for his/her abusive behavior by saying it's because of alcohol or drugs or because s/he can't control his/her temper, or that s/he was 'just joking'?
Does s/he hate spending time with your family and keep you from seeing your friends and family?
Does s/he withhold approval, appreciation or affection as punishment?
Has s/he manipulated you with lies?
Has s/he taken your car keys or money away?
Has s/he subjected you to reckless driving?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you could be in an abusive relationship, or a relationship that could become abusive. Remember, we don't believe you deserve to be abused, no matter what. Together we CAN find a way ... 312.413.8206
This project was supported by Grant No. 2002-WA-BX-0011 awarded by the Office of Violence Against Women and the U.S. Department of Justice. Points of view in this document are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the U.S. Department of Justice.